Bien à vous, Cheya

Boy Erased is about a Pastor’s son, Jared, who realizes that he is not attracted to the opposite sex. He then participates in a church-oriented program called the Refuge Program. The film goes back and forth from time of the program to when Jared has significant interactions with either men or women. We begin to see how he first realized he was gay. His first physical encounter with man was when he was raped by his college friend. He’s pressured to not say anything to anyone which would obviously change who he is as a person. That same person then tries to sabotage Jared's family by calling his parents and lying about what had happened. After his family realized that it was a lie, his dad tries to set up Jared again with his ex-girlfriend. Jared admits that he’s had thoughts about same-sex relationships and his parents call for help from a pastor and a church friend who’s, as the mom says, “dealt with this before”. His dad then asks Jared, “are you willing to change?”. When Jared says yes, everyone in the room, his parents, the pastor and the church friend, rejoices and prays.

Refuge Program (for LGBTQ) is led by a Mr. Sykes. He composes all these rules that the participants must follow, including no contact and not allowing any discussion of the program to their families. The program is a Christian program designed for the participants to see that LBTQ is a “sin”.

The people in the film are mostly middle class. The program consists of 90% men and 10% women. The men and women are hosted in the same class in the program. The scene of My. Sykes drawing on a white board is a major sin in regards to the topic of Gender, Sex and Class. Mr. Sykes, the Director of the program drew a Venn diagram on a white board and split up the categories and listed things to support that category in his own way. Sykes insisted both categories were choices and produce consequences. Sykes was intentional in making sure that those who were choosing to love or pick to be same sex or gender is acting in sin.

Rating: 6/10

I won't give away the ending but as I summarize the significant scenes above, we can see that gender was represented throughout the whole film. The concepts of gender and homosexuality were encountered as issues in the film and was addressed by claiming that "it was a sin" and that "God hates homosexuals." With most of the characters, the issues were never really resolved by the end of the film. Jared's mom's issue with Jared was resolved... and I would like to think that his dad's was resolved, but in a different way.

I admire how Jared's mom fought and loved Jared throughout the whole movie. My favorite part was towards the end, Jared's mom says "I love God, God loves me. It's that simple."

I recommend this movie because of its storytelling. Although, watching the movie made me quite sad. But I don't recommend this movie if you're wanting to validate your beliefs and perceptions of homosexuality. However, this movie does highlight the trauma and pain that a Christian LGBTQ goes through by his/her own family and church. 

Overall, if you're a Christian wanting to challenge yourself in your personal beliefs and perceptions of LGBTQ, this movie might be next on your watch list.

If you have traveled to other countries and experienced other cultures, what differences from U.S. views of women and men and masculinity and femininity did you notice?

I've traveled to many different countries but the one culture that I noticed a huge difference in gender views was Indonesia. I was born and raised until the age of 7 in Indonesia. Growing up in the States, whenever I visit Indonesia, I can sense the differences in the views of women and men.

Firstly, the men are viewed as the superior race in the Asian culture. However, what's interesting for the Indonesian culture is that the women are viewed as the wiser. Our saying goes something like this: "The man may be the head. But the woman is the neck." The man may be the face of the family, but the woman controls what goes in behind the scenes. Unfortunately, in cases where abuse is involved, in my culture the man is often the one that society believes and the woman gets the shame.

In Indonesia, chivalry is evident. Women are viewed as the one that should be respected in community settings. In public gatherings, the men brings the drinks, the food, pulls out the chair, etc. But at home, the women are the ones at work.

When it comes to masculinity and femininity, the Indonesian culture and views are very strict. If you're a male who acts flamboyant and has a feminine flare, you're automatically the black sheep. This also goes for if you're a female who acts tomboy-ish and is very masculine. Men are required to be as masculine as possible; this means acting dominant, even aggressive. And the women are required to be as feminine as possible; this means charming, relationship-oriented, etc.

Think about your relationship with your parents. How were your connections to your father and mother similar and different? If you have siblings of a different sex, how were their relationships with your parents different from yours?

Growing up, I was closest to my grandmother. She raised me and took care of me and my sister when we first moved to the States because both my parents had to work. As I grew older, my mother was home more often than my father. My mother worked 7am-6pm every weekday and comes home just before sunset on Fridays. My father worked 7:30am-10:30pm every Sunday and each weekday and comes home just in time for Sabbath. They worked very hard to make sure my sister and I had every opportunity as possible while being in the States.

But as a result of my father working hard every day, I spent more time with my mother. I talked about life things to mom, and only about car, soccer and occasionally Adventism with dad. It was different but it made sense at the time. I remember being in middle school and catching a glimpse of a scene from The Secret Life of an American Teenager, and the teen girl going car shopping with her mom and her dad getting really offended. Her dad says something along the lines of, "you go shopping for pads and tampons with mom, but you're supposed to go shopping for your first car with me." Ever since seeing that scene, I always recognized how I saw my dad as the masculine lead in the family. 

My sister and I are the only two children in the family, so I don't have a sibling of a different sex. However, growing up, my parents preached on a consistent basis that as much as they loved raising daughters, their families would always say that it's 'easier to raise 100 sheep than one daughter.' I vividly remember my parents telling me that if I was a boy, I would be able to play outside longer, I would be able to go over friends houses, I would be able to do x, y, z.

Although being a man sounds like the 'safer' option, I quite like who God has made me to be,

To what extent do you think it is possible for women to be both politically engaged feminists and sexy and conventionally feminine?

Personally, I don't think that this is a valid question. This question alone presents the double standards that men and female have. However, from a societal's point of view, this question does come up very often. And if it doesn't, it's because 'sexy and conventionally feminine' politically engaged feminists aren't even given the platform.

Because of this, I think politically-engaged feminists are amazing and deserves all the admiration. But to get as far as the typical politically engaged man would, feminists would have to 'filter' themselves to an extent. This 'extent' borders the line of charming and sophisticated to flirty and vivacious. However, I feel that as long as women can prove their knowledge and provide strong arguments as politically engaged feminists, it shouldn't matter if they want to act sexy and conventionally feminine.

In fact, I think that it's time that we as a symbol of feminism can use it to our advantage!

Chapter 4:

Compose a letter to a significant man in your life. Drawing on the knowledge you have gained in reading this chapter, you might offer your own definition of what it means to be a good man or invite this man into a dialogue with you about issues related to men and masculinity.

Dear future husband,

I want a good man. What does that mean to to you?
You're a Christ follower. But do you really love God?
I need a good man who loves God.

I want a good man. What does that mean to you?
The struggle is real. But will you stay strong through our struggles?
I need a good man who is strong.

I want a good man. What does that mean to you?
Commitment is scary. But will you respect and stay loyal?
I need a good man who is is a promise keeper.

I want a good man. What does that mean to you?
A present father is what my future kids will need. But will you stay around when it gets hard?
I need a good man who doesn't give up when the going gets hard.

I want a good man. What does that mean to you?
Walking in my shoes is a difficult thing to do. But will you lend an ear and extend your hand?
I need a good man who fights for me and appreciates me for who I am.

I want a good man. What does that mean to you?
Community is necessary. Mentors even so. But will you keep your eyes on the prize?
I need a good man who talks to God before he goes to his friends.

I want a good man. What does that mean to you? 

- C.W.