Personal Family History
(see Consider This, p. 96 of Samovar, Porter, McDaniel, and Roy, 2017)
My family would be classified as formal. Indonesians are pretty strict and prideful of their family name and legacy. But Chinese-Indonesians are a completely different level. Informal is a rare word that only shows up in our vocabulary in times of need and desperation (i.e., hitting rock bottom). And since hitting rock bottom is not permissible, then informal is not even in our dictionary.
It's interesting because as formal as we are, as Manadonese, jokes is what we thrive on. At least, when we're family. Anyone and everyone could be the subject of these jokes. It always depended on the day or the last person who did anything worthy of making a joke on!
In our culture, the elderly are treated with the ultimate respect. They would be given the best seats, first in line for food, hand-shaken and more. Conflict was dealt in a direct manner. I find that this worked to my advantage because I learned to address conflict in a respectful way rather than being passive-aggressive and letting emotions build up.
In our family, both parents were the decision-makers. I would say that in our culture, the father tends to 'wear the pants' in the family. But we have a saying our culture, if translated directly: "the man is the head, the wife is the neck." So although the man in the house declares the decisions, we all know that the woman led him to said decisions. In my immediate family, there is only my parents, me and my sister. Although there were 2 girls in the house, I still notice different child-rearing practices being followed. As the oldest, I carried most of the responsibilities and the standards were exceedingly high for me. I would get in trouble for things that wouldn't even be a thought if my sister did the same thing. I had more and harder chores than her as well. I wish I had a brother so I could experience that, but I do remember my parents always saying, "I would rather raise 100 cows than one girl." I guess they thought having sons would be easier than raising daughters.
Cooperation in our family is stressed. However, competition in the culture is stressed more than family. The values that we have as a family is highly impacted by our faith in Adventism. Growing up, my parents paid special attention to raising my sister and I in encouragement of one another. If we ever did have any competition, my mom would remind us of the story of Cain and Abel and how jealousy is one of the ways that the Devil uses to tempt us and to damage families.
In my family, I was rewarded in gifts. Indonesians are not known to say "I love you". Their love language was gifts, so I'm used to being given little gifts here and there or surprises to the park or Chuck E. Cheese. When I'm punished, my family is Asian, so corporal punishment is usually the first and only tactic.
When it came to religious matters, I was required to go to church every Saturday. I was born and raised in the Adventist church. Indonesian Adventism is highly conservative; all hymns and no drums. I am glad that I was able to leave home for University and explore my own way of worshipping God. However, I am still faithful and I believe in Adventist doctrines.
Invisible Culture
“Culture exists in the minds of people, not in external or tangible objects or behaviors”.
It's often said that much of culture is invisible because it's non-existent. It's really created and dependent on society. The culture of society in 2000 is different than the culture of society currently because of how society has evolved. That being said, we created culture.
Globalization vs. Families
Globalization has impacted life in general; therefore it has impacted the way families behave and our relationships. New stresses, challenges and opportunities occur from globalization and new immigration patterns. For well-off families, globalization benefits them because they are exposed to more opportunities such as traveling, education and experiencing different cultures and languages. For those who are struggling, globalization could progressively push them into poverty.
Assimilation of a Child
Personally, I believe that when parents adopt a child trans-culturally, they should have a healthy balance of ensuring that the chid has contact and knowledge of his/her birth culture while at the same time helping them assimilate into the new culture. As the child gets older, I believe that its' the parents responsibility to leave it up to the child on whether or not the child chooses to learn more of their birth culture. Regardless of how the adoption occurred, the child has a right to make that choice him or herself.
